New Years 2014

As most people are excited to ring in the new year and busy making resolutions, I have mixed emotions about facing a new year.  As I think back over 2013, it is really a bit of a blur.  Actually, 2012 was pretty much the same.  I think most people know by now that I have had some health struggles the past 2 years.  On the outside, my life looks much the same.  Most people, even my close friends and family, would never have guessed that I see a primary care physician, neurologist, immunologist, rheumatologist, internal medicine, and neuro-immunologist.  All these visits and testing have revealed that I am super healthy… except for this mysterious fever, fatigue, and flu-like symptoms that plague me every day.  So, I now take life one day at a time.  My goal is to make it to the end of the day without being totally wiped out and to be able to take care of my family.  Some days I am able to accomplish more, but most days even that is a struggle. 

Rather than dwell on the past or worry about what I have to face tomorrow, I am choosing to be thankful for my blessings and to be content with where I am (even if it’s eating frozen pizza in a messy house with dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and kids that have seen entirely too much TV for one day).  So, here are some things I am thankful for:

1.       My children

2.       My husband

3.       John’s job

4.       Our home

5.       That I get to stay home and homeschool our children

6.       My family and friends

7.       My church family

8.       That John is learning to recognize when I am having a really bad day

9.       That my friends helped me even when I swore I didn’t need it

10.   That I am learning to ask for help

11.   The many, many prayers that have been said in my behalf by loved ones

12.   The advice from family and friends (even when it is bad advice... because I know they care)

13.   Date nights with John

14.   Our vacations to Nashville and San Diego

15.   That I got to run a half-marathon before I was told to stop exercising

16.   That after 6 months of sitting around feeling worse and getting fatter, I ignored the Drs’ advice and joined a boot camp

17.   That nobody at boot camp (except my instructor who I told) can tell that I have health issues and chronic fatigue.  I have even been known to run past many of them on occasion

18.   The 30-60 min of pain relief I get after forcing myself to exercise… as long as it’s not too much

19.   That I can pick up and carry my kids around again without much discomfort

20.   Our family trip to NM, CO, UT, and AZ that we got to take this summer

21.   That I have been well enough to celebrate almost all the holidays and family birthdays

22.   And the thing I am most thankful for is that there is a God in heaven who loves me and is always with me (even when I feel alone), who answers prayer (even though it’s not always the way I wanted or was expecting), and who has a plan for my life (even when I don’t understand it or like it)

So, I leave you with one final thought.  You never know who has just lost a friend or relative (I still feel sorry for the sweet cashier who asked how my day was going not 20 min after I found out my Uncle passed away.  All the self composure I had trying to get my 3 children and I out of the grocery store was lost with that one question), who is wondering what the latest test will show, who is helping a relative with cancer, who only appears to be on crack because of an odd reaction they are having to the LP they had yesterday (ok, so if you actually triage this person you can figure this one out, but YOU HAVE TO TRIAGE HER FIRST!!), who feels discouraged and alone, who is using all their concentration trying not to throw up again, who is trying their hardest to be sociable even though they are in pain and really just want to be in bed, and who used every ounce of willpower and every drop of strength they have just to show up today.   So please, don’t judge others.  I have been given so much grace from my friends and family over the past few years as I have experienced all of these.  Hopefully I will remember to show that same grace to others, because you never know what someone else may be going through. 

I don’t know what 2014 has in store for me.  I know what I hope for, but until then, I will keep living life one day at a time, learning whatever I can, and thanking the Lord for all the blessings He has given me.